Sunday, 30 October 2011

The Detox

Getting fat is an occupational hazard of being in love.
There you are, all happy and content with the cosy meals in, chocolates on the sofa, romantic dinners out. And bang, you've lost your cheekbones.
This has never happened to me before but then, I've never been engaged to a 6ft 2ins machine with the metabolism of a Humming Bird.*
When you're almost a foot shorter, genetically petite and start matching his eating habits, neither scales nor mirror lie.
You might remember part of the 'everything to do in six months' list included losing a stone.
Not to be 'bride-thin' - skeletal in lace does nothing for me - but to get back to where I was before Jamie asked me to be his girlfriend last August.
Now, call it a lack of patience, or perhaps willpower, but I'm not hanging around London with the temptation of, well, everything.
The Spa, Koh Samui
So I'm off to get fit and detox in Thailand with my mum for a little over a week. Weight aside, it's about getting healthy.
I've been to the spa in Koh Samui before and a seven-day fast is pretty extreme. No food and two self-administered colemas (less intrusive but like colonics - 20litres of diluted fresh coffee up your jacksy) each day.
A presenter friend called Carole Machin suggested the place to me a few years ago.When I joined her, she helped a petrified me set up my first coffee enema. I'll always be eternally grateful; she'll probably be eternally mentally scarred.
I'm looking forward to the challenge, peppered with yoga, meditation, massage and quality time with mum.
The trick - and what I've failed to do in the past - is not falling into old party girl habits upon return. This time, I have a few ideas as to how to maintain the shift in thinking, not least keeping this public record. For surely it's more interesting for you if it works. I'm also considering booking in regularly with a good personal trainer upon return to keep up motivation.
DIY colema 
Here's a link to the spa:
Why go through such deprivation? That's just it - my past experience taught me that I had been depriving myself by not doing it. Afterwards, your skin is bright, hair shiny, eyes white, facial features rediscovered.
It's a way of stopping the clock of ingrained routine, giving your mind and body an MOT.
If you find it too hard, you can stop the cleanse whenever you want but fingers crossed, I'll see it through.
It's not too expensive - accommodation which is basic but clean costs around £20 a night and to fast,  £40 or so a day. The Spa doesn't get the best reviews on the likes of TripAdvisor but it's only a good place to stay if you're detoxing as there are plenty of nicer hotels on the island.
There are plenty of other places to fast on Koh Samui and elsewhere in the world. I've heard great things about this one in Turkey, a bit more pricey - - set up by friends after visiting the original retreat in Samui.
You might also want to check out - a woman in the UK who can send you the same kind of herbal nutrients for a self-administered cleanse at home..and you still get to eat, just cutting out protein, caffeine, alcohol and the other fun stuff.
I may update my blog during the process. Perhaps I'll post a 'before' and 'after' pic so long as there's notable difference and the former is not too grotesque.
So please keep tuned.
And in the meantime, please do share your tips and plans for feeling your best.

*With the exception of insects, Humming Birds have the highest metabolism of all animals while in flight, consuming their own body weight in nectar each day.


  1. I don't mind a before and after picture - but please don't post one during!

  2. Martel! The Things we do for Love" -Coffee Anyone?Filtered? No thanks, Instant will be fine!
    Of Course it is admirable, when an attractive women, wishes to look after herself. So no problems with that desire. I Get your strategy!I really do!(Matrtelism)I am smiling imagining,previously, you and your friend, lining up, the enema, for your 40 litre car wash rinse! What no Waxing? "That's what friends are for"!
    Is there an "Ah Bisto " moment , when the coffee permeates? Erotic, or Neurotic?
    Looking at the pictures ,the digs are in a nice location, but inside , that Loo? ,you have to be dedicated!! I know, that with your wily,intelligent wisdom,you can rationalise this decision,you know it works, so you are going back to the scene of the crime!
    On the positives the "treatment" is cheap,reminds me of siphoning petrol!
    Fair play to be in that lovely weather, beach side, and in total fasting, will take some doing.Water,will be a luxury.
    Is this a redefining of the old adage, "Beautiful on the inside as well as Out !
    I love the way, you are determined to "See it through" the 40 litre rinse.That's the spirit Girl! For Queen and Country!Scotland the Brave!"Freedom"! "Fight em on the Beaches" "We shall never surrender" I know you will see it through.You Must!" I'll See it through"! Love it.M.B.E. ?
    Keeping fit is the only way to live Life, Running, a favourite of mine.Women are prepared to go ,to any lengths, in the pursuit of happiness and that is why we love them. I admire your determination and complete focus on the goal.The dye is cast, inside as well as outside!It can only be achieved now in your chosen option. I stand bye, anxiously waiting for the build up countdown ,take off, and post flight outcomes.and will be thinking of you,trying hard ,not to imagine, you, in God knows what positions, as I pour a cup of coffee!!
    This puts a new take on the phrase"I had a lovely warm feeling inside"
    Good to know your Mother is near, "Mum Help!I am Bursting"- "Quick where the StopCock"?- "Jamie,stayed home"!
    So, Good Luck Major Maxwell,your Country Needs You! x