Saturday, 22 October 2011

Stag Dos: The Dark Side

Here I am lying in a hotel bed in Holywood (Belfast, not Los Angeles) with an hour to spare before a friend's wedding.
In that time, I feel it's only right to set the record straight on my last blog which hailed Stags as far superior to Hens.
There is a caveat.
You know the "what goes on tour stays on tour" bit about Stags?
It 'aint pretty.
When you've finished reading this, you may confront your other half and demand to know if the details are correct.
And he will, quite rightly, point out I am but an excitable girl who has in all probability never been on a Stag.
You'll just have to trust me on this one. I know.

So, let's say a group of male friends go to Barcelona for a long weekend.
They will start off as one, drinking, telling tales and slagging each other off.
Even with new dads, there is no chat of children teething or nappy training.
This does not make them bad fathers; simply aware that it's not the time or place.
At some point in the night - perhaps after dinner and more drinks, this number will split into two distinct camps.
Those who do want to go to a lapdance joint and those who do not.
Sometimes a couple of members of the latter will tag along just for the sport of it.
If they are in a relationship, they know the she would be furious but when in Rome..
The men who were always intent on seeing breasts will sometimes go further. They will pay for sex.
Those who are attached may never cheat at any other time but see a Stag as a golden opportunity, a guilt-free 'time out' that doesn't really count.
You can only hope they are not so drunk they forget about protection. I know of no one directly who has discovered cheating through getting an STD. But it happens.
I believe it's the vast minority who view Stags as a rite of passage to being sexually unfaithful. Most want to drink, laugh and be able - albeit with bleary eyes - to look at themselves in the mirror come morning.
But the bottom line is that, come a point in the night, some men will forget the camaraderie of the Stag and act on their own impulses.
Like a (married) friend of a friend who last year went on a stag in the South of France.
Come midnight, after a solid twelve hours of drinking, his comrades were falling fast.
So he toddled of by himself to the most expensive strip joint in town which charged hundreds of Euros just to enter and hire a booth.

When he woke three hours later it was with two near-naked girls gyrating inches away and a very expensive bottle of champagne.
The only card he could find to pay the two grand bill was the one to the joint account he shared with his wife.
Needless to say, he wasn't feeling 'too grand' the next morning when she checked their online statements.
Let's switch to the Hen.
If a stripper is hired, it's for the shared experience. This is more comical than a man's 'ooh, look at the **** on that.'
This might extend to a slap on his bottom.
But the sight of some baby-oil-smeared guy trying to be sexy is more likely to have us feeling a little bit embarrassed for him, than magnetise us to his genitals with a one-track mind.
Even the single girls who can do what they like, don't view a weekend away as a mission to pull.
It's about the bride-to-be herself and having fun with the girls.
Of course there are women who have cheated on a Hen; some of them Brides-to-be. But these women are a rarity.
It's not the 'done thing', joked about when they come down sheepishly for breakfast the next day.
It's flaunting a betrayal of the man back home and that's not tolerated.
I stick by the sentiment of my last blog - Stags are more fun than Hens.
But then, I guess that depends on your idea of fun.


  1. Martel,what a fantastic piece!The gap between Male and Female,sexual expectation has narrowed to a minimal in the last 20 years.Now we see Women,in City Centres,short dresses no panties, drunk urinating in the gutter-you get the drift.Hen do's male strippers,have moved from,"He's'Cute to a BJ,on the Male Stripper.The emancipation/evolution/ revolution is on going.Arguably women can now be"calling the shots",own flat/car/job-a Man can be a plaything.Women now carry the stresses, that Men used to carry,exclusively "Girls just Wanna have fun" Presently an educated girl, well brought up,loving Mum and Dad,one or both,knowing right from wrong.Families, are vanishing,single sex parenting is changing, the virtuous circle that Mum would pass on.
    Pole dancing,Strippers,can be very sordid,bouncers, crime links,and exposes people to Blackmail,plus STI caveats.Men like what they see:Women like what they hear -old adage.To cheat on a bride to be,is clearly NOT true love.If you can do it then,"Will you still love me tomorrow".Oscar Wilde famously said,"I can resist everything -except temptation".The Bible,Adam and Eve,it was Eve metaphorically, who encouraged Adam,to bite that apple.
    "I get high when I see you go by,my oh my.Just the thought of you and I get high"-It's Only Love-John Lennon-Beatles. Conversely "Sex is natural Sex is Good,not everybody does it,but everybody should-Sex is best when it's one on one."-George Michael.
    All human beings find others attractive.Marriage is about choosing ,just one,then maybe making other human beings,from that love.Cherish that love,respect it,but know that real love is letting each other discover ,within marriage their own life journey.
    What a star you are!x

  2. IKN! Thanks for posting, it made me think. Cherishing does so often seem to go out the window, you're right. It's easy to forget what the day is actually all about. Love the music references as ever X

  3. Hi Martel,
    Your writing is so pictorial,clearly YOU have the potential to be (Subject to good breaks/backers-talent is self evident)to be both the next Lorraine Kelly, and Jackie Collins.You are already a star,but there is definetly more to come.Pleased you like the music choices,be happy, and stay strong.x